Thursday, December 27, 2012
Jeff wanted to take me shopping for clothes. In May this would have tickled me to death but yesterday after my 2 weeks of eating nothing but crap on top of me struggling after the last 3 months, I knew it would not be pretty.
I did get 2 really cute pairs of jeans, 2 shirts from Old Navy, and some pants from Areopostale. The woman working in there really ticked me off though. I can wear their fleece/jogging pant things but I can't wear their shirts. They are all made really super small but I looked at them anyway.
She said " we have other hoodies over here, exactly what size are you looking for?" Totally ticked me off. I've been overweight long enough to know when someone is being a jerk and well she was. I said "I'm just looking." Believe me though she knew I was not happy.
Then me and the hubs went to Cracker Barrel and ate..to much.
Today is a new day and I'm sick of being fat. I'm sick of the weight I've put back on. Sick of feeling bad.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Christmas was amazing this year. I enjoyed a little to much of the food. Ok I went way overboard with the food. I'm so disappointed in myself and my lack of willpower. It is nobodies fault but my own. No one forced the 3 pounds of peanut butter fudge down my throat.
Jeff said he wanted to take me shopping this week for clothes but I know when I go I'm going to get upset. I hate shopping, even after losing the weight. I'm not nowhere close to where I want to be and I'm slipping further and further away.
I'm going to go low carb and gradually add in good carbs. I sound like a broken record, I know. Don't know what my problem is anymore. Why am I struggling this way?
Saturday, October 13, 2012
This is the first time in as long as I can remember being off work on Saturdays. I would have the occasional weekend off for different reasons but now it is on the schedule! So stoked! So of course I wanted to wake up and fix the family breakfast. One daughter loves sausage, the other one not so much. We also had eggs and biscuits! I'm so proud of myself though, I had 2 egglands best eggs scrambled and 2 pieces of 35 calorie bread. I win!
Still not sure about the low Carb stuff. Having the heart disease that I do, I'm not comfortable eating a ton of cholesterol every day. I also get burnt out on chicken and tuna.
So for a while, I'm going to just keep doing my thing..tracking and staying in calories. I know I have the willpower to stop the binging.
Taking things day by day and keep trying to move in the right direction.
Monday, October 8, 2012
So I decided that I'm going to do low Carb to try to control my binging. I'm still going to eat a little fruit, but stay away from bread and other starches.
A person on my Facebook page was curious why I'm changing things.
It is not all sunshine and rainbows... I struggle every single day. I wish it was easy just to lose weight and not have to worry about it anymore, but many of you know it is a life long battle.
I'm anxious to see if this tweek in my diet will help me.
Cross fingers (and toes)
Sunday, October 7, 2012
I have came to the conclusion that I am in fact a binge eater. I'm not really sure if this is something that I have started this year or if I have always been. See before, I ate constantly, ate when I was not hungry, large amounts of food in a short period of time and I thought this was normal. I know, my mind was not in a good place as far as food goes.
Symptoms of binge eating..
Yesterday after I ate a large bowl of 4 day old chili, 4 spoons of peanut butter, 6 pieces of cheese bread, and a blueberry bar within about 30 minutes without even thinking about it I knew I had a big problem.
When did I lose my mental grasp on my weight loss? I think it was when I had my stents put in this past Spring. At the time I felt like I was in the best shape of my life, and had a 100% blockage. How does a 30 year old that had just lost 150 pounds handle news like that? Not well my friends. Since then I have yo-yo'd. Not something I have intentions if doing, it just happens. How do I get my control back? How do I get my groove back? I know how to lose weight, but I am holding myself back. I am 100 percent open to suggestions.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Word of warning...
I am not a good blogger. I have tried and tried to write moving pieces before on Sparkpeople and is just not me. I sound to fake. This is me, just trying to be me.
I'm trying to decide where to go with this blog..do I make it just about my weight loss journey, or about my life in general? I don't have to decide right now.
My starting weight in January 2011 was 357 lbs. My current weight is 216 lbs.
Time for pics!
Before pic 357
After pic 216
That's all for right now.. more later!